Gliding powerfully out of the night, Batman alights on a rooftop and whips out his high-powered night vision binoculars with GPS targeting and a tiny unfoldable bayonet. Arriving a few minutes later, Supergirl walks up and asks him what he’s doing.
“Scanning for Superman, of course.”
“In that woman’s bedroom?” She gestures at the subject of Batman’s gaze, 6 stories up in the high-rise across the street.
“He could be anywhere,” the Bat tersely responds.
Supergirl flies away, shaking her head and muttering, “what a weirdo.”
Link slides the last metallic block into its proper niche and the puzzle’s giant mechanisms reassemble in satisfying staccato. He runs up to the monk’s platform and waits to receive another orb. The shrine’s papery deity stirs and begins slowly to intone:
“Your resourcefulness in overcoming this trial speaks to the promise of a hero… but, Link, it’s kind of cheesy that you used bombs and kinesis to solve yet another puzzle and you’re making us all look bad. The other monks have been talking. You’re a good kid, Link – just, no haxx plz?”
Special Guest: Michelle Ehrhardt (@ChelleEhrhardt) Freelance writer for KillScreen, Bullet Points Monthly, Paste and more.
Special Note: Bird chirps audible during the recording were totally a purposeful decision to help establish mood.
Kiryu drops the splintered chair he’s been holding in his white-knuckled grip. Around him dozens of badly-beaten yakuza groan in pain. Turning, he sees a group of adorable small children approaching. “Kiryu-San” they cry in unison, “Why did you beat up our papa(s)? Our families will surely starve tonight!” Kiryu’s expression softens. He proceeds to spend the next two in-game weeks winning them toys in the claw game.”
Agent 47 and Lincoln Clay are walking around downtown while passing a joint back and forth. Their inebriation has led them to become somewhat lost. Up ahead a police officer twirls a baton on the street corner. Agent 47 turns to Clay and says “I’m gonna ask him for directions.” Clay, aghast, whispers “No! 47, No!” But 47 is resolute and walks up behind the cop, garroting him swiftly, and slipping into his uniform. He pulls the slide back on his handgun, turns to Lincoln and says: “I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.” (all thanks due to the great Dave Chappelle for this reference)
Lincoln leaves his chrome-wrapped car idling – “Black Ghost Blues” crooning out its speakers – and kicks down the doors of the mafia-controlled warehouse. He mows through nameless goons until finally he reaches the head goon. Laying his gun down the goon says “don’t you think you’re being a little divisive right now? Doesn’t our nation need time to heal? Have you ever looked at the statistics on black on black crime?”
Join us as we discuss the most interesting and memorable games of 2016.
It was a pretty shitty year, but we’ve found a shred of solace in the digital media with which we tend to pass our free time. Whether it’s through telling good stories or fostering supportive communities, games remain important even as larger issues threaten to overwhelm us.
We cap off the podcast with our hopes and dreams for gaming in 2017, bringing up VR, games criticism, Nintendo’s prospects and diversity in the games space.
Dishonored 2, Hitman, Overcooked, Uncharted 4, Titanfall 2, Doom, Dark Souls 3, The Witness, Shin Megami Tensei, Inside
You blast out of hyperspace just in time to begin your descent through the looming planet’s atmosphere. In the periphery your hull glows red, then begins to cool. The landing jets of your ship flare up as you dust down on the lush and colorful surface. You pop open the cockpit hatch and set out to explore a new and exciting world, when behind you, you hear a floppy wet squeak. You whip around, and upon seeing the poor misbegotten creature, fall to you knees in despair. “No, not squishy butt planet again!”
Other games discussed: Persona 4 Golden, Severed, Her Story, Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
You raise your head from fitful sleep – you’ve been dozing at your desk again. On the computer is a half completed Reddit post: “TIL the kid from Inside is actually a simulation run by an employee of the Abstergo Corporation from Assassin’s Creed.”
Other games discussed: Overwatch, Volume, Hyper Light Drifter, Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst, Doom
Nathan slides recklessly down the muddy embankment firing RPGs at hordes of nameless Euro-military types. “Hey I just met you,” he bellows at Elena over the explosive rattle of gun fire. “This is crazy!” Elena responds as she backflips onto a jet ski while filming the whole scene through her camcorder. “Well, here’s my number.” Nate tosses a live grenade with his digits sprayed on at a group of baddies running off with the treasure. “Call it a perfect 10 maybe”: Every game publication on Earth.